I was combing through my books of poetry and came across this one again. Usually, I revel in it with an eagerness to share the wonder of being alive. But, today, there’s a harder edge to it, because, rather than an affirmation, it is a thorny reminder–a reminder of what I hold dear, a reminder that living with integrity to these principles is not just celebration but also slow, painstaking work, a reminder that rising above does not mean ignorning my needs, a reminder that there is nothing else but this.
Sisters, run–do not walk–to the bookstore and grab a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (writers from “Sex in the City”). It’s a fun, quick read and, had I been ready to hear its message years ago, I could have condensed my previous 10 years in relationships down to about 2 1/2 years of love, mutual respect, and fun and skipped about 7 1/2 years of making excuses and wondering why I was feeling so crappy.
May the authors forgive my plagarism in service of pimping their fine words …
Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially if the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution. (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children–sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn’t make men different (p. 16-17).
Oh sure, we say we’re busy. We say that we didn’t have even a moment in our insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. Bullshit. With the advent of cell phone and speed dialing it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don’t mean to. We may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. We like taking a break from our generally mundane day to talk to someone we like. It makes us happy. And we like to be happy…. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you (p. 23).
Remember: men are never too busy to get what they want. We find it very satisfying to get what we want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don’t think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half (p. 9). What you’ll never see when you’re with a guy who’s really into you: You’ll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you’re calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored (p. 31).
My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you …. [And,] I can’t say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out (p. 17).