Grace meets effort

Life has been quietly beautiful and easy lately. The way I’ve imagined it could be.

I’ve seemed to have a lot of inner resources–patience, humor, kindness–that I’ve been able to call upon spontaneously and not need much in return. And people and life in general has generally been patient, humorous, and kind back to me. Funny how that works.

It’s tempting to call this some sort of “achievement” on my part, to attribute it to all my hard, inner work. But that validation would miss the mark. Instead, what feels more true is that for now I seem to be strong enough to simply hold a space in myself where I can be watchful and open-hearted without feeling threatened or anxious. If anything, that’s my achievement. Everything else that comes out of me from this space–the patience, humor, and kindness–comes as if it were flowing through me rather than from me. And, for that, I feel incredible gratitude.

I know that this will pass, as it has before. My only wish for myself is that each time this season of abundance comes around in my psyche, I find myself, God willing, more and more able linger in it without grasping at it or trying to control it.

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