grumble grumble

So, my back is still giving me problems. I function more or less OK during the day at work, but then as soon as I try to do anything else, I find that all the sitting has made my muscles freeze up. My D.O. says that my spine is slowly integrating the cranial-sacral work she is doing but it is integrating it and to not worry because we are trying to undo a 37 year old pattern. My P.T. person says she is really impressed with my ability to identify and isolate muscles and I’m learning the exercises really quickly compared to most but it will just take time for those muscles to strengthen. (They stil tremble when I do the exercises).

In the meantime, my back feels good on the weekends (’cause I’m moving around so much). Pretty good on Monday and Tuesday as well. (And really great after P.T.) But by Wednesday, it starts to lock down. Then my back muscle pain wakes me up Wednesday night at 2 AM for a couple hours. Same deal on Thursday night. By Friday, I’m strung out and I just want to lay prone and get a massage. Unfortunately, as good as laying flat feels on my back, it’s too much stretch for my chronically short hip flexors and so I don’t fall asleep. And yet, if I sleep on my side or my stomach, whatever muscle isn’t being stretched (usually, the up side) locks back down and wakes me up again.

It’s torture. And so then I go to work on less sleep than needed and feel toxic and crappy all day and am not productive and have shitty attention for Hermes and my pets. About the only thing that perks up my mood again is riding my bike or dancing (if my muscles aren’t too locked up to do it). I just can’t find enough time in the day to do my exercises, and stretch enough, and work, and make meals, and do all of the necessary activities of daily living. It’s making me absofuckinglutely anxious. Which of course doesn’t help me get back to sleep when I’m laying there in the middle of the night thinking how overwhelmed I am. Life was so much more manageable when I only worked 4 days a week (ah, that beautiful year after classes were over and I kept my 32 hr/wk work schedule which letmetellyou is not easy to fanagle out of my company.)

My work still hasn’t gotten me the ergonomic barcalounger they promised me (and the doc recommended). Corporate heel dragging. I was whining about all this to my boss today. And he pointed out that if my doc says I should only work 4 days a week (with Wednesdays off so that my back can reset), my company will have to give it to me. It could be a temporary thing until my back is ready for a more full-time schedule. I’m going to talk to the doc about it on Monday.

Word of the Day


\Ob*nu”bi*late\, v.
To make less visible, to cloud, to obscure.

If you use it today, please give me the joy of sharing in your obnubilation by posting your sentence here.