I’m feeling sad and a bit lonely. Not sorry for myself. Not depressed. But introspective, emotionally painfully open, and a little rudderless. A friend is gone. My housemate has moved out. My friends-who-were-neighbors moved away. Another friendship that was fairly central in my life has origanically just entered a phase of increased distance. My thesis is still not written. And I’m feeling like I don’t belong at my job anymore.
In the last few days, I’ve spontaneously started playing and listening to the piano a lot: Chopin, Debussy, Nyman. Dissonant, melancholy stuff. Like my mood. It reminds me why I keep this 6’1″ grand in my house even though I hardly play it anymore. Piano was always how I comforted myself when I was lonely as a kid. I could put my fingers to the wood and out would come this sound that said, “Yes, I know exactly how you feel.”